I am so excited to announce our guest blogger this week, Doc. Phyllis. Before you read her fun and informative blog, I need to take a moment of your time. Doc Phyllis is technically not a doctor, and all advice dispensed is derived from the doc's life-wisdom. She'll be visiting with us ever so often, and I can assure you, she's also a fun and informative read.
I've known the doc many years, and she's often turned my butt around when it's heading down the wrong path. Often, Doc Phyllis has seen that I'm paying no attention and letting my butt lead the way - she's truly gifted.
Our Doc Phyllis doesn't have an M.D. or Ph.D. behind her name; she has the coveted but rarely attained L.E.D. What! Have you never heard of a Life Experience Doctor? Well, now you have my dears. Take a minute and give Doc Phyllis' blog a read. If she hits you where you live, leave a comment. If you want to ask her advice, you can put that in the comments as well.
Enjoy - Anola
Women have many different reasons for marrying, some dumber or more despicable than others. These are the main reasons younger women marry in no particular order.
They think they are in love. These are often women who struggle to differentiate between love and lust, and this usually involves missing yellow and red flags.
They have always been expected to marry, so they do. The actual man is sort of coincidental to meeting the expectation of having a husband.
They are pregnant and need someone to help with life, expenses—sometimes this someone is actually the father, sometimes not.
They have reached the “age,” or the “number of lovers” that they were told was the limit before they marry. They might laugh when they tell you they were raised this way, but deep inside, it stuck with them. Often the age corresponds with high school or college graduation, and usually, the number of lovers is three. If they really can’t stand number three, they’ll accept that it’s okay to recycle the first or second lover to marry – but you have to marry one of those three.
They are somewhat unwilling, unable, or disinterested in working or supporting themselves, so they marry a provider. When this is the reason, it’s essential to be attractive and present as a “trophy wife.”
From the list above, the first and fifth comments, sometimes drive older women to marry. Still, other reasons can inspire mature women to marry, such as:
They married for one of the reasons above, and the man dumped them for a younger or prettier, older or more attractive, or a wealthier woman. This presents a new issue, now the woman is used to being married. She’s in a hurry to restore that status—or show the ex that she can find someone better too.
Loneliness can make marriage seem like a good option- -sometimes husbands die, families move away, etc., and it looks like a husband will fill the void.
Sharing expenses—two can live cheaper than one. Sometimes seniors marry because one Social Security check doesn’t cut it, but two is manageable.
Every now and then, someone gets married because it’s a path to citizenship for one of them.
Is it any mystery why 50% of marriages fail?
I was young once, and I married for reason number one. I was crazy about him, and it was probably at least 75% lust. And yes, I ignored some red and yellow flags. When you’re young, you really don’t pay enough attention to those warning flags. Still, with age, we all learn that when relationships falter or end, it’s ALWAYS because of things that were evident at the beginning of the relationship.
My first husband drank too much. As a young woman, I thought he was fun and was glad he could drive us even when he had too much to drink – remember, I was young and ignoring flags. Later, I realized there are downsides to living with an alcoholic.
He also lied, sometimes about small things, sometimes about really big things. I overlooked the lying, but years later, felt like a dumbass for it. Bottom line? Men will show you who they are…. Believe them!
After more than two decades of marriage and hundreds of hours of girl talk, I think I’ve nailed down what a mature woman should consider before marrying.
Don’t marry a project. If you want a project, go pick up something to reupholster from a yard sale, or adopt a pound puppy with behavioral issues.
If he has three or more ex-wives, move along. Either his picker is broken, or he lacks relationship skills. (if they all died, this rule still applies, but perhaps for different reasons.)
If you don’t want him to touch you, and you don’t want to touch him, what the hell are you thinking?
If the thought of sharing a bed with the man makes you want to sleep in pajamas, don’t be unfair to him or you. Just move along.
If he has more hair coming out of his ears and nose than on his head…. Boogers in his mustache? Typically smells bad? There is no polite way to teach someone acceptable personal grooming. Unless you are also disgusting, this just won’t work.
If he’s a political moron or spiritual failure, either is insurmountable. You have to be compatible with core values. The things you’d take a bullet for have to match up.
If he’s been bankrupt and has debt, no way. If you’re feeling charitable, give to the local food bank, don’t join lives with a financial disaster.
No retirement savings? What, he did not think he would grow old?
No handy skills? Can’t fix things? Snort.
Can’t carry on a conversation? Even if he’s great in bed, NO ONE spends most of their time in bed. You have to think about what it will be like to share meals, go out in public, talk about your day. Get real, to marry someone you should be able to imagine spending at least eight hours a day with them, and actually enjoying it.
So in closing, just in case you’re not sure how to recognize those red or yellow warning flags, I will give you some examples to ensure you know it when you see it.
Estranged from family members?
Behind on child support, alimony, and or taxes?
Evasive about his physical address or the purpose of the burner phones?
Pitches a “can’t miss” investment opportunity with few details and lots sincere exclamations of “trust me.”
Makes good money, but always broke.
Get the idea? And finally…. If he says you are too good for him, BELIEVE HIM!